As I write this, 2019 is just a few days away. At this point, sure, we agree, it’s an arbitrary marker in a line of man-made arbitrary markers, a method of marking time that humanity has agreed with. It’s useful, convenient, and aids businesses and other human concerns. I can still remember the feeling of writing the date in a school book, and if I concentrate I can almost feel the texture of the paper as I write the years “1992” to “1995”. The world felt different then, as it always does across the bridge of decades. There are days, especially when watching some random retro video on YouTube, that I almost want to reach back through time and sit, just sit, in one of those days in that pre-internet era, and just “be”.
But that’s not what this post is about.
I could say that 2018 was a challenging year, and it was, in some respects. However that wouldn’t be accurate. The truth is simple: I have been exceedingly lucky, in that 2018 has been a good year. I turned 40 without major issues. I learned how to pick locks (and successfully opened a lock drawer at the office!), participated in a grassroots movement that helped to change the government for the first time in 60 years, the family (and extended family) has been relatively well, work is alright and somewhat secure. It has been good.
And it scares me.
It’s cliched, but I guess there’s some truth to what people say happens at this stage in life, that you become more aware of not only your own mortality, but that of the people closest to you. Aging becomes something more personal and pronounced: I notice it more now: in my joints, in my recent foot injury that seems to not want to rush to heal itself, in my parents, too. I worry, sometimes, that because it HAS been all good, that the time for it all to upend itself and turn bad is just around the corner. I remind myself that this is all in my mind and out of my control, that the best I can do is to try and prepare myself for setbacks of any kind, but we all know that’s easier said than done.
And that brings us to today.
As I write this, it is cloudy outside. The city is quiet, no doubt because many are still enjoying the last few days of the holidays. There is a hint of blue in the sky. I can hear birds outside. It has been an exceedingly good year, and I hope I can rise up to meet the challenges that will come next year: as a person, a husband and father, a friend.
Here’s to you, 2019. See you soon.